Yesterday was a good opportunity to spend time with my sister and catch up on the events of her life. She is two years my junior, married and has had two kids. I asked her how it felt to be a real grown up; paying bills, rearing children and dealing with adult relationship drama. I think it sort of snuck up on her. Ironically, I used to be the one in position to give advice and now she's in uncharted territory of mine.
She's always warning me that the things I want in life, like a husband and kids, are not all that you think they will be, they are usually much, much more (which can be good or bad). We both want kids.
It's weird to talk about this, but I'm sure I'm not alone in this. She told me that after having my nephew, she wants another baby. Not that he isn't a handful, but she longs for another child. I think it is compounded by the fact that she misses my niece so much. She's been pregnant twice, and has had two births, but now only one baby. Nowadays, every time she sees someone else's baby she stops them and coos over their bundle of joy.
Her experience frightens me to the core. Losing a child ...seemingly to sleep, is a parent's worst fear. It is the most counter-intuitive phenomenon in this world- young death. Death in old age is the last and most defining thing you will ever do even if you have hit the expected milestones, but it's expected.