Hindsight

Sometimes a song can be the key to a musical lock on an idea for me. I'm listening to "Deep Inside of You" by Third Eye Blind right now. It reeled me back to the butterfly feeling of anticipation and excitement for the future I had in middle school. I think I miss that time because it was before I made all the decisions and missteps that have led me to my current position. I feel like I knew myself better then. And maybe that just comes with the territory of adulthood hindsight.


This weekend my stepbrother is graduating from college. I am so proud of him and how hard he has worked to make this dream come true! But it also makes me think of my own career and my degree which is proving to be more and more worthless as the days progress.

My ultimate goal is to become a certified nurse midwife. After graduating, I looked for jobs in healthcare, but found I could make more money than my previous job at a call center. So I took it. The problem is, I want to go back to school for nursing, but I can't get any more federal loans because I reached the limit for undergrad with my Comm BA. I can get financial aid in a graduate program. So I applied to a sort of bridge program at VCU for an MSN last year and did not get in.

Now I feel stuck and disappointed in myself. The fall after I graduated, I applied to JMU and they basically told me that if I didn't have a bachelor's degree, I would be in a better position. So I feel like I made the wrong choice.

Just another twenty-something trying to find their way.